“Because of the kids. They called me Mr. Glass.”
I have a troubled relationship with my blog.
It has nothing to do with my perceived opinion of the content on it, because even when it is good, I think I should quit on a high note, and when it is bad, I think I should quit because it is all downhill from there.
This uncertainty is heightened with every post. You write something good, and people show up next time expecting similar. Now you’re doubling down, sitting at the table with beads of sweat pooling on your forehead, staring at your cards. And if you hit that successfully, your reward is that you get to come back and do it again. The tension of every hand builds on the one before it.
Many children start primary school at the age of four and by then, they have only been potty trained for about two years. They are just learning their bodies, their bowels, their stomachs. Imagine you are a brilliant student, first in your class in every subject except fine art, but you’re also lactose intolerant.
One day, your mother gives you some cereal and milk before school, and half way through Maths class, watery shit dribbles down your legs into your socks, pooling in your sandals. All of the cool that you have built up disappears and everyone starts calling you Poo-poo boy until you graduate.
That is what primary school is about. Not learning, not building social skills, no. It is about trying to get through each day without shitting yourself.
In horror entertainment, with scary movies, you put in the DVD and play and whether you pay attention or not, the ride goes on. You can close your eyes to avoid the gory scenes, fall asleep, walk away, and eventually the movie ends without your participation. But with a book, you have to make the effort each time of picking up the book and turning the page to face the things that scare you.
Blogging is like that.
I struggle with the posts. I struggle just as much with the comments.
Many other things come easy for me, so I am not crying foul and demanding that this should be easy too.
Actually, it is fair that this should be this way, because the alternative would be a life devoid of challenge, to refuse to go to school because I am worried that one day I will fall.
See you on Friday.