My cousin was looking to rent a new place. He called me in the morning and asked me to come along to meet a real estate agent who would be showing him a few houses.
We picked up the agent outside her office. She was a tall woman in her late forties wearing a skirt suit and glasses. There was a file sticking out of the top of her bag. She sat in the back of the car and gave us directions.
‘Turn here and go straight. We will look at two houses first. If you don’t like any of those, I can show you other ones. What exactly are you looking for?’
‘Quiet area. Safe environment,’ he said. ‘Not too many rooms.’
She gave him a background check. ‘Where do you work?’
‘Oooh, oil company. Are you married?’
He was driving, he shook his head, ‘No.’
‘If you’re interested,’ she said, ‘I have a niece, she studied biz admin. In fact, there are two. The other one studied economics. What do you like, tall or short?’
We got to the first house. She showed us the rooms, talked about the location and the price. It had a spacious kitchen.
She said, ‘Do you like cooking? The one that studied economics can cook. Actually, they can both cook, but she… she wants to do something in catering when she finishes her service. If you like food, this is the one you should pick.’
We returned to the car and drove to the second house. The estate agent said, ‘Do you prefer skinny girls or girls with body? Do you like to have something to hold? Breast or yansh?’
The second house was in a large compound. As she unlocked the gate, she said, ‘This one has a big backyard.’ She stretched out the word: Biiiiig.
We walked through the house.
She said, ‘Some people prefer space in the back to space in the front. Which one do you want? Backyard or balcony?’
We stood by the car, surveying the outside of the house and the road. She said, ‘I have more if you don’t like any of these two.’
He turned towards her, squinted at the sun. He asked, ‘Are they far?’
She said, ‘One of them goes to Ogun State University. Another one is in Akure, she is a doctor.’