A word from our sponsors

Affordable World Class Housing Now Available!

Lekki Phase seven estate (“The Magnificent Oaks”) is complete and now offering residential accommodation to interested parties. Located mere miles from the commercial centre of Lagos Island, The Oaks offers unparalleled living in four high rise blocks achieving a standard higher than the highest possible level of luxury living.

STYLISH!!

Our unique apartments come in three types: Deluxe, Super Deluxe, and Ultra Deluxe, fitting every family size and budget. All units have access to the garage, swimming pool, massage parlour and sauna, dry-cleaning services, and a fully furnished Olympic gym. Residents are also provided with a common play area, wildlife reserve, and for local flavour, a dedicated TV channel showing a live video stream of a rowdy market on the Lagos mainland.

CONVENIENT!!!

The estate is domed with UV protected glass allowing only the optimal level of sunlight through.
Food delivery is available from any of eleven premium restaurants providing a variety of international cuisine and accepting payment in dollars, pounds, and euros shielding residents from handling unwieldy Nigerian money.

IMPROVED SECURITY!!

The Magnificent Oaks is surrounded by a barbed wire tipped fence with parapets at every corner. Searchlights mounted on each wall are equipped with infrared sensors and attached with automatic machine guns. Any human sized heat mass approaching the fence is automatically identified and shot.
Inside the gates, The Magnificent Oaks compound is surrounded by a moat. The reclaimed lagoon encompasses the estate as swampland creating a natural barrier we have laced with mines.
Using the latest in genetic engineering, we have acquired a laboratory-created dragon, that guards the bridge crossing the moat. It lives in the nest above the four towers swooping down to spew brimstone on invaders.

At midnight, klaxons sound out and steel ballast doors clang shut sealing the estate off from the dangerous outside world and keeping our residents safe until the morn when they open again.
Safety is our watchword and our primary assignment!!

ADDITIONAL SERVICES!

Each resident of Phase five is fitted with a state-of-the-art biometric chip which grants them access to the estate and on-site amenities.
Should the ill-will of the less fortunate befall a resident of our fine community while they are outside the premises, we offer hostage retrieval services to kidnap victims with the biometric chips allowing us to pinpoint exact locations and send  rescue. A heavily armed team of special ops soldiers will be airdropped at the identified position to pacify hostiles and extract our residents safely.

I know what you’re thinking: This is all nice, but what about electricity?
Excellent question.

We are proud to announce that every living unit on the estate gets an unprecedented 10 hours of electricity daily. You never have to worry about going another full day without power.
Water can be ordered at any time during the day by pressing the blue button on your unit’s intercom. It is delivered up to your flat instantaneously by the assigned mai ruwas in Magnificent Oaks uniform and can be paid for with estate water vouchers.

Come be part of a new Lagos!

 

MagOaks

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11 thoughts on “A word from our sponsors

  1. Gosh man, that satire is dripping everywhere *wipes hand on jeans*

    I particularly liked the artist concept, lol so much detail.

  2. Excellent. Just excellent. Welcome to Lagos: where everyone fortunate enough to have a fortune spends a small fortune for the luxury of being able to sleep across the road from the desperate, poor and unemployed youth in peace.

  3. Looooool. Kind sir, I beg forgive me, I would like to inquire about getting a place in your beaurriful community, all I ask is that your dragon be modified to transport tenants during the day

  4. I just want to understand your strategy for exclamation allocation. Additional services get only one (are they less important?) Meanwhile, Improved security and Stylish get two, to Convenience’s three. I just think that if you can give so little attention to those details, I don’t trust you to monitor a dragon whose perch is the same size as one of the state of the art, water-optional buildings.

    Signed,
    Concerned potentially interested buyer.

    PS: Do visitors need gate passes to exit? Because they are as effective as the piranhas and so the piranhas may be redundant (albeit cheaper and better for the environment.)
    PPS: Also, your apartment types sound like feminine hygiene products.

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