From Saul’s Private Email Server

******2
From: King1@jol.com
To: HarpBoy17@jahoo.com

Hope u dnt mind. I got ur emal addy from Jonathan.
Sry abt d last time. I had a lot on ma mind. With the war an everything els.e
Sumtims when im lying down, I can feel darkness closing in from the edges, the darts my my enemies are throwin r hitting me right here in my soul, the weight of the kingdom is completely on my chest and my heart is pounding. U dnt knw what itis like. On those days, I av few ppl I can rely on.

And u say ur tryin but. Then you go an play a song I dont like. You prolly dont mean anytin by it, buti warned u severl times before in the past.
I accept your apology though. Nd I shoulnt av thrown the spear at you. That one is My bad.
Pls let m no when u r bak in town. Headaches are gettin worse, only ur harp suuthes them. It is like I wud die without yr help

Forgive my typings

 

 

******1
From: King1@jol.com
To: Giantslayer10Kkilla@jahoo.com

I see, its new achivement, new email address. No probblem.
If you tink dis is the type of thing you should be bragging about. Thatis up to you.
Continue to carry ur shoulders up. Act asif I did not bring you into my house. As if I did not raise u nd treat u as one of my own. And Even give u this opportunity to shine.

I offered u my daughter and u throw it back in my face as if I am begging u. You tink I care about taxes from your peasant family? Honestly, I perfer if you never mention this philistine thing 2 any1 again. If you cannt see fit to tell the truth, to be honest with people, justtell them u dunt want to talk about it.

And I knw its you talking about me behind mt bak telling people I’m crazy.
NO , u David u r d crazy one.

 

 

******3
From: King1@jol.com
To: Soninlaw2dking@jahoo.com

I ddon’tknow who u bin talking to. Spreading all sorts of rumors. That Me, of all people, sending assassins to come and kill you. Why wld I du sometin like that?
If I wantd to kill u, cann I not face u man 2 man and do it? Did I nut throw a spear at you that one time face to face? (and apologize)
And now that we are family. I resent that you wuld accuse me of something like that. After all the foreskins weve shared between us. If you tink I will send asassins to ur house wherrr my own daughter leaves. You tink I will put my child at risk????

My curse on you, my curse on your family, my curse on those two bastard children of mine that are feeding you these rumurs. I swear If I meet you or anyone related to you, anyone who knows you has heard of you or speaks positive of you, I swear on my life I will kill them. I will remove their eyes.
I wish you a slow death.

 

 

******4
From: King1@jol.com
To: KingInHiding@jmail.com

Sorry for that last email. Am going thru a lot of stress right now.

I Think its very disrespekt ful what u r doing to me nd my family.
U invade my privacy, tear my cloths, steal my spear, my water bottle.
After all I’ve done for u. Shame on u.
Delete your account.

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7 thoughts on “From Saul’s Private Email Server

  1. I’m not sure if I’m a lone weirdo or in good company but, I was cracking up at work while reading this. I wish the entire Bible was written like this. Hahahaha. I do feel really sorry for Saul here though. Poor man just wants to be loved, all those demons he’s battling. *smh*

  2. Lmao. The second email had me in stitches. New achievement, new email address. Lol….. And of course it’s something to brag about na. Go slay ur own giant first and if u don’t brag then come and tell me not to brag about my giant slaying ability *tongue out* Hehehehehe.

  3. I actactually scrolled back up to be sure I had the right blog opened when I saw all the typos!

    But the best part for me…
    “delete your account”
    What?!!!! Where did that come from?!!!
    LMAO!

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